I know girls who spill I’m sorry’s from their mouths like they pump blood
to their veins.
Sometimes, I am one.
I know girls who apologize for asking
to go to the bathroom in class,
who apologize for everything
because they feel like they are taking
up more than their fair share of space
on this planet.
Everything starts with an I’m sorry
and ends with one too,
constant bookends that we don’t
even notice anymore.
We delete her apology the way we
delete likes and ums from speech.
I know girls with ten times more apologies
and I wonder how often they hear
You’re more than okay.
I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.
The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get.
It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.
you didn’t love her.
you just didn’t want to be alone.
or maybe, she was just good for your ego.
or, or maybe she just made you feel better about your miserable life.
but you didn’t love her,
because you don’t destroy people you love.
never plan ahead of time unless you want to be disappointed
hating on the world today
and it hates me back twice as much
and don’t tell people they aren’t trying just because they didn’t surpass your expectations.
But I tried, didn’t I? Goddamnit, at least I did that.